I want to talk to and about old friends again, for once. I would love to walk down streets I know with a few of my old friends. I want them there when I'm stressed and afraid of going to work for whatever dumb reason I have. I want them there at 3:00 AM when I need to talk about forementioned dumb reasons. I need them here, now.

I've been really out of it today. I did get to see Katie, but only in situations where it was not socially acceptable to be ourselves. We were with her parents, or with Victoria's friends for the majority of the time. No one I felt comfortable being myself around, except Katie. I felt boxed in and uncomfortable. Unable to really think straight about anything. Still, now, I'm incapable of thinking straight. I guess that's why I'm here... Katie wouldn't stay awake and talk to me - she was too tired. It took 10+ calls to wake her... I guess I shouldn't have kept trying after the first two, but I feel really bad. I'm not really sure what to do with myself in these situations without anyone around. I can't focus on my book, and I can't focus on playing a game, or even listening to music. I just want to talk to Katie or be asleep, or just nowhere. These days are the days I need someone there for me, at least for a few minutes. I can hold together myself any other day except days when I feel like this. It's too much for me to handle alone.

I just want to cry and cry right now... but I can't...

listening to: Live at KEXP - Volume 1, 2 & 3