Earlier in the day I left for Cody's house and ultimately some Baptist church in Cedar City for his show. I was hoping there would be less talking and more playing music, but after years and years of ignoring religious speakers, I had no problems coping. The rewards for sitting through the speech was pretty kick-ass, anyway. I got to see Cody play two new songs that were quite great. I can honestly say that Bull of Bashan, or however the hell you say it... well... I'll explain. I like them, as people and as musicians, but... I don't like their music past one or two songs. No offense to them as they are amazing people and bring great music along, but there isn't enough diversity. It all sounds the same. I apologies to them even though I know they won't read this or could care less what I think. They don't even know my name, after all.

Shit, anyway. Nothing else has been going on. I went to Chase's birthday party which ended up being depressing. It promised to be hell from the beginning. Chase all nervous about this girl he was interested in, and who was obviously interested in him; a bunch of very immature young folk making stupid jokes and suggesting stupid activities. I had no power. I am, after all, Chase's weird, quite friend. I didn't bother talk to anyone, really. There were a few guys there that I can talk to, but they were busy rubbing up on the girls, quite literally. Anyway... the people were just stupid stupid stupid, Chase wasn't even around for more than half the time I was there. I may have said a few words to him the entire time. After waiting around to see if the party would turn for the better as well as waiting for Chase to come back to his own party. Yes, he left... in a car... with some girl... not that I care if he gets tail or not; good for him if he does. Is that proper friend/party etiquette though? Shit, I felt alone, left out and hurt. So I left. Doubt any of them noticed. Chase may have and probably did, but he was busy being popular.

I really need to get out. I think the reason I'm so afraid, or nervous, or negligent to leave my room/house is that there's no one out there for me. I mean, there is, but I can never push myself to join them. Sure, getting a job is easy, but I'm too goddamn afraid of everyone and every situation. It's easy to say I'm going to go talk to this person, call him, talk to her; but to me it seems fucking impossible. No wonder no one ever calls me, right? I'm sure they know by now that I really don't want to talk to them... right? Wrong, actually. I would love to talk to anyone, about anything, do anything and go anywhere. I just can't ever get my nervous ass to call. Yes, it's even really hard for me to call my friends. I'd be calling them all the time, otherwise. Yeah, they say "call me if you need anything," but why can't they ever call me...? Probably 'cause I'm never calling them. Maybe they think I just don't like them, ha. Which is quite wrong. I love my friends, I miss my friends... I used to have fun on occasion, now I just sit around on my fat fucking ass wasting my life away on a stupid fucking game.

listening to: Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning

Due to various harassing comments from annonomous persons I have decided to make a slight change in my blog's graphics. Enjoy.

[EDIT]

I changed my graphics back. Mostly because I wanted to make my page look better. I still think the dumbass that left those comments needs to keep his/her arguments to himself/herself, or at least to someone that is more or less willing to hear his shit.