I really need to get out. I think the reason I'm so afraid, or nervous, or negligent to leave my room/house is that there's no one out there for me. I mean, there is, but I can never push myself to join them. Sure, getting a job is easy, but I'm too goddamn afraid of everyone and every situation. It's easy to say I'm going to go talk to this person, call him, talk to her; but to me it seems fucking impossible. No wonder no one ever calls me, right? I'm sure they know by now that I really don't want to talk to them... right? Wrong, actually. I would love to talk to anyone, about anything, do anything and go anywhere. I just can't ever get my nervous ass to call. Yes, it's even really hard for me to call my friends. I'd be calling them all the time, otherwise. Yeah, they say "call me if you need anything," but why can't they ever call me...? Probably 'cause I'm never calling them. Maybe they think I just don't like them, ha. Which is quite wrong. I love my friends, I miss my friends... I used to have fun on occasion, now I just sit around on my fat fucking ass wasting my life away on a stupid fucking game.

listening to: Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning