Happy birthday!!!! I am older now. Horray. A lot has happened since I moved to Washington. I moved to Seattle, I lost my job and went back to Utah for two weeks, came back broke and unable to pay the bills. I moved out and into Katie's house (who I met before going to Utah,) as her boyfriend. I got a new job now, at Puget Sound Energy. So does Katie. We work about the same schedule, which is great. The commute is easy and the money is good. With both of us making so much things have been pretty easy. Hopefully not too easy. I feel like sometime we spend too much... I'm bad with my money, but I've been doing a bit better lately. Both credit cards are in good standing and I have nothing too outstanding beyond what debt I already created while I was broke.

I bought myself some books! Lord of the Rings, which I've always meant to read, and; Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? (rare, 1977 publication.) Also! Katie bought me the expansion to my favorite game. =) Settlers of Catan: Cities and Knights. Wahoo! Heh. We played last night with her brother -- I love it.

Not much else has been going on. I've had a harder time reaching out to my friends.. I'm not sure why. I still love them all, but I've been so lacking of energy to make simple calls or to send simple messages. I miss them still, very much. I want to make a trip down to Utah, but I still am unable to take a break from my current job. Hopefully I will get some PTO soon, but for now, nothing.

Anyway, not sure what else to write. Hopefully I'll update this more regularly in the future...

It's almost November already... I can't believe it's been nearly a year since I've lived here. I've been struggling practically the whole time, heh. Still not quite sorted out, but I'm getting there. I only have a few more things to pull together before I'll feel half-way successful.

I live with Katie now. We share rent on a mother-in-law suite in her parents home. It's a beautiful place. About 20 miles north of Seattle.

I'm not really sure what else to write...

I'm still friendless here... I pretty much just work and sit at home. It's... great... Katie and I get out, but other than her I don't have any interaction with... friends. I'm really bad at making friends apparently. I have one or two, but I haven't been in contact with them since I left working at Nintendo and went home for two weeks. I've tried to get out to lunch with them but it never seems to work out. Bleh... I'm trying hard not to give up, again.

I want to talk to and about old friends again, for once. I would love to walk down streets I know with a few of my old friends. I want them there when I'm stressed and afraid of going to work for whatever dumb reason I have. I want them there at 3:00 AM when I need to talk about forementioned dumb reasons. I need them here, now.

I've been really out of it today. I did get to see Katie, but only in situations where it was not socially acceptable to be ourselves. We were with her parents, or with Victoria's friends for the majority of the time. No one I felt comfortable being myself around, except Katie. I felt boxed in and uncomfortable. Unable to really think straight about anything. Still, now, I'm incapable of thinking straight. I guess that's why I'm here... Katie wouldn't stay awake and talk to me - she was too tired. It took 10+ calls to wake her... I guess I shouldn't have kept trying after the first two, but I feel really bad. I'm not really sure what to do with myself in these situations without anyone around. I can't focus on my book, and I can't focus on playing a game, or even listening to music. I just want to talk to Katie or be asleep, or just nowhere. These days are the days I need someone there for me, at least for a few minutes. I can hold together myself any other day except days when I feel like this. It's too much for me to handle alone.

I just want to cry and cry right now... but I can't...

listening to: Live at KEXP - Volume 1, 2 & 3

Not much seems to be going right lately. I quit my awesome job with WDS Global/Verizon. I was making $13/hr, and it was an easy job. Why? I was depressed. I was sad because I'm three states away from the familiar. To be honest with myself I still am not settled in here. It's hard to be strong when you have $5.00 of expendable credit, and nothing else. It's hard paying rent with $5.00... I do have a paycheck coming to me, though. I guess I'll be working my ass off to get a job by next... week...

Other than being a poor mother-fucker, everything is going alright. I still lack friends, but slowly am making some. I haven't really hung out with anyone lately, other than Katie. Which I'm entirely happy about. Without Katie I wouldn't be in Washington. I would have moved home with my tail between my legs whimpering like a poor, freshly neutered dog.

I don't really have any other news. Life is hard. I tend to hate it. I'm sure it will get better -- strike that, I'm sure I will become happier eventually, but for now I can't seem to not be miserable.

listening to: The Magic Numbers - The Magic Numbers